DISCOVER DITHERING
'Dithering-On-Sea Harbour.' Painted by local artist, Jacky Tonsils.
Historical sites and landmarks
Did you know?....The ancient settlement of 'Deafherring' was documented in the Domesday Book (1086). The town's importance grew in the Middle Ages as the village developed a strong economy based on mackerel fishing and chalk farming.
Roman Fort. The Romans were probably the first to build a fort here on the West Cliff in AD50. They also constructed roads, heading inland from the seabed, that follow the River Noggin in a nice straight line leading to Pottering and Faff. Today only part of the fort remains.
The gift shop is open from
10am each day.
Artist's impression of what the fort may have looked like.
Dragon's Inn. In 1790, King George III, while travelling on holiday with his family, stayed overnight at the Dragon's Inn on the outskirts of Dithering-On-Sea mistaking it for the popular seaside town of Weymouth.
Upon rising the next day, the king, realising the error, quickly moved on. In his journal he states of Dithering that 'it was a horrible mudsucked resort, filled with vile gentry peckers and fackwinders.' Unabashed by this slur the townspeople of Dithering took this as a sign of royal patronage and a rash of memorial buildings and other architectural nonsense were built to commemorate His Majesty's non-visit.
It has recently been suggested that the ale he drank was contaminated with radioactive water from the River Noggin and was partly to blame for his subsequent mental illness in later life.
The George Mead drink is still sold in pubs in Dithering and is to be avoided at all costs.
Hardcastle's Sugar Mine. In 1730, sugar ore was discovered in East Cliff by Daisy Ann Buckle. Legend has it that Miss Buckle, who was out walking her dog Bertie, noticed a large, exposed ant hill that had been struck by lightning in a recent electrical storm. She reported that her dog drank from a small black puddle in the middle of the ant hill and suddenly jumped around 'in a most frantic and hilarious manner'. Bertie had discovered an early form of black sugar.
Miss Buckle and landowner, Joseph Hardcastle, set up a mining company to extract the ore and turn it into industrial grade syrup. In 1732, the mine was operating at full capacity employing 120 people producing 54,533 barrels of heavy sugar a year.
Visitors to the museum today can expect to see fascinating displays that show the traditional smelting process, visit the pit poodle rescue centre and also try their luck on the underground railway that was used to ferry miners from the shaft to the sugar face.
Did you know?....The Georgians drank coloured sugar water and bathed in syrup as a purported cure for a variety of illnesses. Local chemist, Dr Jim Gee, experimented with the syrup by adding fermented honey and local herbs. In 1734 he produced Gee's Cough Syrop and sold over 1,000 bottles a year. Heavily laced with morphine, the cough mixture was very popular and was only banned in 1980.
Turner's Working Museum. Founded by Jeremiah Turner in 1837, Turner's of Dithering became well known for producing a pink, resin-based material called 'Pudge'.
Made from the sap of the Dianthus tree and mixed with chalk, it was solidified into pucks and sold under the brand name 'Dolores'. In late Victorian times it was used to clean lamp posts and frighten bats. Today it is the key ingredient in the production of data-protective jam.
Turner's Mill was closed in 1840 when production moved to the South Sandwich Islands.
The mill was reopened in 1976 by volunteers from National Heresy who now run it as a working museum with some exciting exhibits and collections. Visitors can see early computors, a Victorian drawing machine, the DVD yard, an interactive sewage and drainage display, an exhibition of WW2 socks, a soap hut and a working Victorian puncher.
The museum is open at weekends 4am - 6pm. Special events are held regularly during the Summer season including Cardigan Repairs and Snail Workshops.
East Cliff Transmitter. Local inventor, Fulsome Buckley, set up an experimental power transmitter and laboratory here on East Cliff in 1893 for the purposes of transmitting signals from land to ships at sea. Rising 50ft, the tower was constructed from latticework of oak planks and coated with a special electro-paint. After successfully operating for nearly a decade, the tower was suddenly decommissioned in 1902 and the laboratory workers left in mysterious circumstances. Secured and abandoned for many years, the tower was hit by lightning in 1952 and the site was destroyed in the resulting fire. Some residents believe that pockets of residual energy in the form of random force fields can still be seen around the town today. All that remains are the brick and concrete ruins of the lab buildings and the base of the transmitting tower. The ruins are open all year round except Wednesdays. Cafe and gift shop is open from 10-2pm.
Did you know?.... Colour photography is permitted in the town? The light in Dithering is the ideal shape for entering the lenses of most modern cameras. Even poorly-made cameras from Lincoln are able to produce wonderful colour pictures of our enchanted woodland, sealand, farmland and moorland seaside scenery.
The Church of St Awful
Situated in a leafy envelope, the Church of St Awful is a picturesque Norman square tower building of some importance. Saved from demolition in 1924 by Col. Reginald Poots during the Fakbender Crisis, it stands as a testament to one man's obsession. Interestingly, it is the only L-shaped church in England. Now a meditation centre and home to the Dithering Welding Society.
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Vicar: Reverend Boo Boo Solids.
There are several listed buildings worth visiting in Dithering town including; Fakweave Farm, Teapot House and Wrist Cottage. Fakweave farm was home to Belton Fakweave, inventor of the modern pineapple and features many fine examples of Georgian doorknob. Teapot house was built on the site of a medieval power plant and still considered radioactive. Wrist Cottage is now part of a private residential property in the Dumps in North Dithering. It was once used to shelter the Varmington Shepherds during the Mackerel riots of 1743.
Public services
Dithering Town Hall: Home to the Dithering Council Echo Chambers, Council department offices, the original Committee Chair and the International Exhibition Cupboard.
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Librarium: Designed by Keith Le Corbusier in 1974.
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Dithering Museum: The museum houses a fine collection of historical items of limited interest dating from the early Neolithic Age. Here you will find a model of the early Dithering village, some sharp sticks and a replica Saxon doorknob.
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Sport: Leemondo stadium - Home of Dithering Cricket Club and Dithering Town Football Club - "The Ramblers".
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Local Post Office: One of Britain's few remaining post offices and the last surviving internet access cafe. Please address all telecommunication for the attention of Post Office Doris. Note that computor texts and electronic mail can be printed on Byron paper, by request, and collected from 8am each day.
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Bank of Dithering: Located on the High Street, the bank accepts travellers cheques, green shield stamps, roman coins, luncheon vouchers, postal orders, digital currency and other ridiculous forms of payment. Open daily from 6.30am. Early closing Wednesdays.
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Did you know?....Some of the brutalist concrete buildings in the town centre were designed by Le Corbusier's lesser-known brother Keith? In 1974, Keith Le Corbusier designed the Dithering Librarium and the Fonk Multipark. Unfortunately they were so well-designed that no-one could get in them. Thankfully, the Multipark was built on ghostland and disappeared, without trace, the following year. The Librarium still stands on Fakweave Street. However, it is not very nice.
Neighbouring towns and villages
Pottering and Faff. Delightful little villages which are full of quaint, picturesque angles, smooth cubes and Tennyson butter. There is no more pleasant way of spending a few hours than to sit on the Pottering Wayband and enjoy caravan spotting or playing six-a-side table tennis in Pottering MidCentre. Faff is an attractive village, north of Dithering, that contains several comfy seats provided for the weary traveller. Children will be happy to hear that locally-sourced rice pudding is freely available on the village green.
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Other villages in the area include: Melon Sauntering, Piddle, Little Giddy, Mithering, Chuffed, Luger and Great Dawdle.
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The nearest town is Chippington which has a small cargo port, people and some ice cream.
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In the brief space at our disposal in this Guide it is not possible to give a complete Dithering-On-Sea bibliography, but the following list of books and shorter works may prove helpful:
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'Rainwhite's Guide to Dithering' - Alfred Rainwhite's classic pictorial guide to the hills and valleys of Dithering. Contains lots of information on footpaths, riverways and hill people and is full of dubious illustrations of the local scenery.
'Highways, Byways and Waybands of Dithering' - The Definitive guide to the roads, streets, lanes, footpaths, highways, byways and waybands in the town and the surrounding area by local author, Arthur Jelly. Fascinating.
'Dithering way back in Time' - Part of Kendal Crompton's Photopic series 'Stuck in the past'. Nicely illustrated with photographs and drawings of life in Dithering-On-Sea in a time before people forgot things.
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(List courtesy of Head Librarian, Mrs Tibbles. Note that some of the books may be out of print or illegible.)